


Complicated

by Everyday_Im_Narrating



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Insecurity, Massage, blowjob, body issues, honestly this fic could very much be my horcrux, i poured my entire soul into it, kind of ace erica, maybe idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:52:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everyday_Im_Narrating/pseuds/Everyday_Im_Narrating
Summary: In which Erica has a lot of body issues, Boyd gets a really good massage, and nothing bad happens because they communicate like an actual healthy couple.





	

Erica has always had a complicated relationship with her body.

It's not exactly that she doesn't like it; she's definitely not even a little bit worried that peope will have something to say, either, because she’s fully aware that she is under no obligation to be attractive, ever. It's why she's not shy in the locker room, making casual conversation with Allison and Kira with her tits out while she looks for deodorant in her bag. It's also why she has no problem  getting changed in front of Boyd, Isaac, and Derek - yes, they're boys, but they're her _packmates_. She trusts them with her life; why wouldn't she trust them with seeing her body? 

Derek is a little complicated, sure. She used to want him. There's no denying that he did _things_ to her heart that day in the hospital - she'd been so eager back then, just the hand at the back of her leg had her breathing a little quicker. Later, after the bite, they had made out a lot - a _lot_ \- and it always ended the same way, with both of them hot and bothered but neither wanting to go further than a fully-clothed makeout with Derek's big, strong body covering hers. He didn't push, and she was relieved. Because while kissing is fun, and teasing and being desired does wonders to her self-esteem, Erica's kind of really terrified of letting someone touch her anywhere a friend wouldn't.

It's something about vulnerability that scares her, sure, but it's also those doubts she would never dare confess to anybody. _What if I'm not normal? What if I only really look good when I'm dressed?_ (She's seen herself in the mirror, naked, and she's not into it. She supposes it's not the worst image she could face in a mirror, but it's far from great; Allison looks sexy in a pretty bralette and panties that don't match, but Erica? She can point out a hundred things that are wrong everywhere she looks. She loves the finished product, but the blank canvas is rather disappointing.) _What if the way I react to being touched isn't normal?_ (She's conditioned herself to be absolutely silent when she masturbates. Courtesy of living with a nosy little brother in a house where locking the bedroom door is considered rude behavior, so there's nothing stopping the kid from investigating any noise he hears. What if someone touches her and she just... Nothing? And they find it weird?) _What if I'm so nervous, I block it out and don't feel anything?_

Sometimes Erica wishes there were a good explanation for why her brain has to make everything so complicated. There isn't. She's cis. She's never been touched in a weird or creepy way. Sure, she's been bullied a lot, but that was about her epilepsy, never the way she looked. Her friends don't seem to have that kind of problem, so basically, she's come to the conclusion that she's simply the crazy one. It's easier to just embrace it and adapt to it than to try and force her head to work the way it probably should.

Once, just once, she made a comment about this with Lydia, who suggested she might be somewhere in the ace spectrum. She figures that's a possibility, but even if it's true, it still sucks. There's nothing wrong with asexuality for anyone else, but she doesn't _want_ to be ace, she wants to not chicken out when someone touches her in places.

(On another occasion, she hooked up with a pretty girl named Heather at a party. And Heather, bless her, was drunk and horny, while Erica just wanted a good makeout; Heather wasted no time in shoving her hand up Erica's skirt, and because she didn't have any concrete reason to say no, Erica let her. The girl's fingers were going to _town_ on her clit, and she just... Didn't react. It didn't feel good. Didn't feel bad, either. Very different from the way Erica could make herself come with her fingers, or the way Derek made her breathy and wet when they kissed on his couch. Maybe it was the three layers of tight fabric Heather had to sneak her hand into, breaking a bit of the moment - panties, tights, that second pair of panties to hold the tights in place - or maybe Erica's just a little broken.)

And that's when Boyd happened.

Boyd, her best friend, her packmate, who texts her memes in the middle of class that have her stifling laughter and earning dirty looks from teachers, who doesn't mind when she's down and always has an uplifting word or two to say when she needs it. Boyd, whose smile makes her heart beat fast and whose thighs are at the same time a good pillow to lay her head on and just really, really great to look at. Who hugs her and holds her hand and is so, so sweet when they kiss, in a way that she knows is perfectly genuine.

Boyd, who she's been playfully teasing ever since they first got together, with clever innuendos and touches that linger just enough to leave the suggestion up in the air. Worse - he responds the exact same way. (Worse, because she wants him. And she's terrified. She doesn't know which side is winning.) Sometimes - more often the longer they've been a Thing - the innuendos evolve into straight-up dirty talk, and yet the farthest they've ever gone is making out heavily and texting each other pictures that teenagers probably have no business sending in the first place.

It feels safer to send pictures. This way, he gets to see, but Erica still has full control over how much he sees and from what angle; she's fully aware that when they eventually go further, he'll be seeing her all over. She won't be in control, and maybe he'll want her anyway, but she doesn't know why he would. Even this way, the pictures are also a warning - this is what he's signing up for. This is what he'll be seeing and touching and tasting eventually, only in its best possible version. She quietly wonders if Boyd, too, has to experiment with nineteen different angles before he sends each of the photos that Erica has been saving in a password-protected folder on her phone.

(Receiving pictures is nice, though. Wow. Really fucking nice. No downside there.)

The point is, they're evolving. Somewhere in the natural progression of their relationship, Boyd is going to _expect things_. And Erica would have no problem telling him no, except that with him, she also wants things. Things she doesn't know if she's ready for. Doesn't know if her brain will cooperate. It's more stressful than it should be, really.

Erica thinks they should probably talk about it, but putting her feelings into words is difficult, and she's still holding out hope that maybe they won't have to. Not yet, at least. As it turns out, life gives her an opportunity before she has to make one.

It happens when Boyd and Isaac show up at the loft in a bad mood. Lacrosse practice was unfairly rough, apparently, and just because they're werewolves with fast healing, it doesn't mean they don't get sore. After a quick dinner and a lot of complaining, it's Derek's turn to do the dishes; Isaac helps him out while Erica takes Boyd by the hand and leads him to her room. Her heart is pounding, and she knows he can hear it.

"What is it, babe?" He asks quietly once she's shut the door. "You smell nervous."

"Shirt off, mister."

There's a slight shakiness to her voice, but Boyd doesn't question it, just chuckles at her tone and does as he's been told. She takes a moment to admire the view, because _damn_.

"Like what you see?"

Boyd looks so pleased with himself. He gets this cute little smile every time she compliments him, but when she licks her lips at the sight of his bare upper body and shoots him what she hopes is a flirty, non-awkward wink, he _beams_. It's the sweetest thing ever.

"Only all of it." She closes the distance between them with a kiss, soft and sweet for now. "Now you're gonna get your cute little butt on the bed and lie on your stomach."

"I haven't even touched a naked boob yet, and you wanna go straight to pegging?"

The question sounds only half serious, so she laughs, because that would be one hell of a leap.

"No, I'm gonna give you a massage."

"For real?" Boyd lights up like she just promised him a blowjob, and she's pretty sure she couldn't be more fond of this boy. "You are the best. The actual, official best."

He wastes no time getting on the bed, wiggling a little to make himself comfortable while lying on his stomach; Erica grins as she climbs onto him and settles her weight on his thighs. Her hands look small when she starts kneading on those big, strong shoulders, easing the tension bit by bit.

Boyd is mosty quiet through all of it, but she can actually see his muscles relaxing, and there's a wonderfully satisfying little noise he makes when her thumbs hit the right spot just under his shoulderblades. She insists on that spot, draws circles on it with increasing pressure; when he's about to protest, she works the same repeating circles all the way down his spine until it starts curving upwards. Quietly, Erica wonders if his ass will be as nice to touch as it is to look at, but doesn't touch it yet; instead she moves around on the bed and starts again at his calves. They're tense, almost more than his back; she presses and kneads and soothes all the way up from calves to knees to thighs, hands sliding under the legs of his shorts.

By the time Erica reaches his ass again, Boyd is loose and pliant, so much so that it only takes a gentle nudge for him to turn around so he's lying on his back with a lazy smile on his face.

She's been so focused on the task of making him feel good, she's barely noticed how it took her no mental effort at all to get on top of him again, this time facing him, and lean in for a kiss. It's slow and playful; her hands roam - over soft skin and toned muscle and nipples that are apparently sensitive, if his little sigh is anything to go by - and she's perfectly happy just doing this for as long as they both feel like it. 

Tonight was supposed to be about Erica mustering up the courage to take a step further, though. And Boyd is clearly hard under his gym shorts; has been at least since he flipped over, probably earlier. She can feel it when she lowers her body, legs on either side of him so they're basically grinding together while they kiss, and this - yeah, it's good, definitely not like that time with Heather; the movement makes her tingle in a way she only wants more of.

Boyd's hands are on her legs, she's very aware of them. Up and up until they disappear under her skirt, cupping her ass, and he opens his eyes for a moment to ask if it's okay. She's glad he asked, but yes, it is - in fact, it's so okay that she starts to kiss a little lower, all the way down his neck. When he hooks his fingers under the waistband of her panties to pull them down, though, she... Doesn't say no, because again, she has no reason to. She's about as riled up as he is right now. But her heart is thumping in a way that's suddenly becoming not-good, and not-sexy, and _why_ does her brain have to ruin everything again?

"Erica." He doesn't smell anything but turned on and a little distressed, but she doesn't like the firmness in his tone, like she's about to get scolded. "Something you wanna tell me?"

"No, why would there be?"

She tries to smile it off and kiss him again; he obliges for all of three seconds.

"How about 'Boyd, get your hand out of there because this is clearly making me uncomfortable'?"

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not, and we're not doing this."

The way he says it is final, and he's sitting up, though he doesn't make any attempt to push her off of his lap. She sits up with him, mostly because she has no choice; her mouth feels dry when he takes her chin and tilts it so they're eye to eye. (It's so gentle, she kind of wants to cry a little. This boy is so _good_. Why can't she be normal around him, damn it?)

"Why the hell not?" She tries to sound indignant, but it comes out as more of a whine.

"Because I'm not touching you if you're not cool with it. I thought that was self-explanatory."

"But I am, I’m cool with it."

_"Erica."_

She huffs stubbornly, ignoring the fact that her throat is starting to catch; yes, she's getting emotional over something that most people she knows would do and enjoy without even thinking twice.

"Well, I should be. I think I'm just nervous."

"You know how Derek's been teaching us to read chemosignals and all that jazz? Well, you didn't smell nervous, you smelled _scared_."

She's not going to cry. She's not going to cry about something stupid like this, she's _not_.

"Babe." It's Boyd who breaks the few seconds of silence that stretch between them, pressing his forehead to hers and a kiss to her lips. "Hey, talk to me. What's going on?"

"I don't know if I can explain."

"Try."

He's still shirtless and beautiful and looking all kinds of concerned, and it makes her feel at the same time extremely lucky and like an even bigger mess.

"There's no big tragic story, don't worry. But I don't know - I want you. I really, _really_ do. Hell, I've gotten off thinking about us in all kinds of positions." She laughs nervously; he laughs too, hand rubbing up and down her back in a soothing motion to encourage her to keep talking. "Then when you actually do touch me, I start overthinking everything and I can't really get into it. I don't know why, I don't know how to stop this, it's extremely frustrating, and I really want to do all that stuff we've been texting about, but I can't. I don't know if for now or for good, but - yeah, I'm kind of fucked up, good luck dating me."

The end of the sentence comes out in a self-deprecating chuckle, and yes, she's definitely crying now. Not ugly sobbing or anything, but there are tears spilling and her voice is thick and - well, fuck. Boyd is kissing her again, hard, almost angrily. She doesn't know what to make of this sudden development, but it feels nice, so she kisses back.

"You..." He mumbles between kisses. "Are _amazing_. And I fucking _love_ you. And you're _not_ gonna force yourself to do anything until it feels good, I don't care if it takes a day or a year or forever. Do you understand?"

Erica understands, objectively, but the question of why the hell he would sign up for this kind of baggage - gladly, from the looks of it - remains.

"You really want a girlfriend who leads you on and sends you nudes but who you can't touch?"

"I want you. Sex is secondary at most."

"But why?”

Sometimes she thinks Boyd has been hanging out with Isaac and Derek too much, because he gets the exact same exasperated look on his face as they often do.

"Because, and I can't believe I have to spell this out, you're a lot more than a _really_ , really nice-looking pussy."

She can't help but laugh out loud; Boyd joins in, and it lightens the mood like magic. The knots in her stomach dissolve as quickly as she closes the tiny distance between them with a good, tight hug that he returns just as eagerly.

"Did I ever tell you that you're the best?"

"Right back at you, babe."

They stay wrapped up around each other until their heartbeats align and Erica is breathing steadily; Boyd is the one who pulls away first, but he still stays close.

"Wanna go watch a movie with the guys?"

"We could, but I have a better idea." Erica winks at him like she did earlier, and even though her heart is pounding again, it's from excitement. Maybe a little nervousness, too, but the good kind. Now that she knows he doesn't expect her to be _normal,_ it's easier to give certain new things a try.

"What's that?"

She responds with a slow, teasing kiss and a roll of her hips.

"Didn't we just-"

"Just because I feel weird about _being touched_ , doesn't mean I don't wanna make _you_ feel good." She lets her claws elongate and drags the tip of them very lightly up his neck. "And one thing I've been thinking about very often is getting my mouth on you." And then, because she's not the only one with limits, "Okay?"

"You really wanna?"

He's cautious, but his body is starting to respond again, and Erica can't help but feel a little proud. Just for emphasis, the hand that isn't at the back of Boyd's neck takes his hand and presses it to her chest, right over her heart.

"See for yourself." She leans in, presses her lips to his ear. "I really _do_ wanna suck you off."

She knows her heartbeat doesn't falter, and one thing she also knows for sure is that the sound that escapes Boyd's lips can't be anything other than approval. So she nudges him to lie on his back again, and when she pulls down his shorts and his _fucking jockstrap_ (is he trying to _kill_ her) it feels more natural than anything else.

(He's big. Not quite as intimidating as the pictures had her believing, but definitely not small; she's not even going to embarrass herself trying to take all of him at once. One thing at a time, she reminds herself. Someday, though.)

Boyd isn't back to full hardness yet, but that can be resolved easily. Erica wraps a hand around his cock and tugs down curiously, exposing his foreskin; when she takes a little lick at the tip, he hisses.

"Too sensitive?" She chuckles.

"No, really good."

His fingers go to her hair, not quite pulling but holding onto it while she swirls her tongue around the pink head and takes only it into her mouth. She's seen a lot of posts about how to do this - yes, she's _that_ kind of dork, sue her - and they always said to be gentle, so she is; she sucks on the tip for a little while and then licks a wet stripe all the way up the underside. Boyd sounds like he's trying not to be loud, but he's breathing hard and fast and occasionally letting out a soft _"fuck"_ that's a hell of an encouragement, so Erica does what she can to get more of it. She gets all of him wet with her tongue, paying special attention to the head; once he's nice and slippery, she opens her mouth and closes her eyes, eternally thankful for her rather inactive gag reflex.

Boyd moans her name when she takes about half of his cock, swallowing around it. In a bolder move, she wraps her hand around what's not in her mouth and starts stroking, locking eyes with Boyd to give him a mischievous look that has him tipping his head back and closing his eyes again.

(It feels a little strange, being fully dressed while sucking off her completely naked boyfriend, but the view is nice, and he doesn't seem to have any objection.)

It's not long until she gets bold enough to cup his balls in her free hand, reminding herself to be gentle. Boyd's claws are prickly at the back of her scalp; he's trying to reign in his shift, not very successfully, so Erica takes it as a good sign. She pulls off with a wet pop and focuses all of her action on the tip, sucking harder than before until he's tugging at her hair.

"Babe, I'm gonna -" _Fuck, yes._ "If you don't wanna swallow you'd better finish me off with your h-"

The word _hand_ gets lost in favor of a long, drawn-out moan; maybe Erica should mind more that there's come on one of her favorite shirts now, but she doesn't. She's just really damn happy. Once Boyd has caught his breath a little, he uses the hand in her hair to pull her into a lazy, lingering kiss - she's very, very aware of how wet she is right now, but they both know that if he tries to undress her, it'll just spoil the mood again - and it turns into the two of them lying side by side, faces pressed together.

"Sure you don't want me to...?" Boyd asks gently, gesturing vaguely to her pelvis. She smiles, but shakes her head.

"I think I'll take that movie now."

So Erica gives him one more kiss and stands up to change into a non-stained shirt, while Boyd makes quick work of putting his clothes back on - it definitely won't be enough for Derek and Isaac not to notice they were getting it on just now, but honestly, Isaac has come home smelling like Jackson almost every day for the past few weeks; he won't be traumatized. When they head downstairs together, Erica feels the lightest she's felt in a long, long time.

Erica has always had a complicated relationship with her body. And maybe that's okay.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of my fics seem to deal with characters having trouble with sex and sex-related issues. It's ALMOST like there's a REASON for that.


End file.
